just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
