It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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