So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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