Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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