i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He better not be in your backpack
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
