So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
