Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
