he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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