So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
should my penis look like a turkey
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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