So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
