I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
