blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
