You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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