I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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