in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
