I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize