Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
