I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
