I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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