just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
