oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
