I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
pop tarts are not kleenex
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
