i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
