My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
