it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
