I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize