I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
MIDGETS
????
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
