you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
