Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
