so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
