David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
