She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
