I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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