It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
