I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
