I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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