Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
