Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
