She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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