Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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