she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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