"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
