I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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