its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
