I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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