we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
