Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
