I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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