I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
