Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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