I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize