I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
