Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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