I seem to have left my pride at pride
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
