John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
