Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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