the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize