dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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