he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This is my gift to your gina
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
