I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
