brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
