I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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