ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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