Say something about gay babies.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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