literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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