as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
40s are totally the cure
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
