I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
